Strength in Chaos

"Throw me in the landfill,
       Don't think about the consequences,
Throw me in the dirt pit,
      Don't think about the choices that you make,
Throw me in the water,
     Don't think about the splash I will create." 

                        ~Landfill, Daughter         

Tears begin pouring in an instant because her heart has already crumbled. As she tries to keep the pieces mended together; it crumbles again. Everyday her heart is shattered again and again. She chooses to endure this torture week after week, day after day, simply for her animals. She cannot leave them behind for they are the reason her heart continues to beat although it is tired and damaged. They are her protectors that keep track of every piece so it might be eventually mended into one. She continues to write with the music blaring in the background to mask the pain. She is praying that her words will be the glue to put all the pieces in the right place.

"Well I've lost it all, I'm just a silhouette,

A lifeless face that you'll soon forget,

My eyes are damp from the words you left,

Ringing in my head, when you broke my chest.

Ringing in my head, when you broke my chest."

~Youth, Daughter

Is this my fault? Did I do something to deserve this? God, have you given up on me? Why does every day rip my heart more? How am I supposed to stay afloat. "You only have to deal with this for one year longer," I keep telling myself but time moves at a snails pace while at the same time is sweeping me off my feet. I must survive. No! I will survive.

It is the torture which makes me stronger. It is this pain that I am forced to feel that allows me to know true happiness in the simplest of pleasures. My future has not been set and I will not allow myself to crumble before I get to a place where I can share happiness with those around me. I do not have a way of making it out alive if I do not choose to keep my vision clear to my dreams. The hurricane is billowing around me and as I walk in the eye of the chaos I have clarity. I hear no pain or cries. I feel blank. Not a hopeless blank as one may think. Instead there is just peace in my heart. I'm choosing my life to be clear. I have made this eye possible and will make it out alive.

To those who stand in my way, bring it on. I am not in your control. I am me and I will survive this.

 "I am thankful to all those who said NO to me. It is because of them I did it myself." 

                                                                                                       ~Albert Einstein