O-o-h child.. Things are gonna get easier..

"Spinning, laughing, dancing to
Her favorite song
A little girl with nothing wrong
Is all alone
Eyes wide open
Always hoping for the sun
And she'll sing her song to anyone
That comes along"
Seven Years- Norah Jones 

I know I should be happy or at least I think I should be. I just can't seem to shake this sadness. I feel so alone and even with people who care I want to hide. My heart keeps sinking and looking at past times to cover up some of the pain and the hurt that is still creeping up on me. I can tell anyone anything with a smile, but deep down a little girl is crying and doesn't know how to ask for help. 

How do you face your true self when you have two-selves that exist? In my heart is a little girl who has never been cared for and is still curious about the world. She still has hopes and wants to imagine the world as a kind, happy place. On the outside is a young adult who is fighting to prove she is smart. Trying to prove that she is enough. She shows the world the smile she wants to believe in. In all the pain, she smiles because she doesn't want to admit the world is not a good place. Let's just admit it. The world hurts. The world takes and uses people until there is nothing left.

I will smile through every situation because of the small piece of hope that shines more brightly everyday. It is a tiny thread that is constantly being tugged on and challenged. Somehow it still remains, but I'm not sure how much longer it will be able to last. I don't know which way to go anymore. A dreamer never gives up on their dream, and an optimist finds something good in almost every situation. Is it wrong for the dream to feel a little hopeless? Is it wrong if the optimist cries?

"Ooh child, things are gonna get easier.Ooh child, things’ll get brighter.Some day, yeah, we’ll put it together and we’ll get it all done.Some day, when your head is much lighter."
O-o-h Child - The Five Stairsteps

"Don't fall apart now. You are too close to getting a step closer to your dream." The little girl in my heart hasn't given up yet, so I shouldn't either. I'm still hopeful for the future. I just can't take the pain anymore, and I'm not sure how much longer I can protect the little girl in my heart from the weight of the world.